I - Into the Void

Introducing yourself might be one of the most difficult things to do for me. Yeah maybe you could say your name, age, likes and dislikes, hobbies--all the usual stuff. I usually do this to escape the difficulty of saying things that aren't really true. But sometimes I realize that these things are a bore. Some people might not even care about it. These are the things that make it difficult to describe myself. Emotions and feelings are gonna build up inside me. Not embarrassment for the facts about myself, but maybe fear that people might not like me. People change. Our entire being changes. I may not be the person I am one day ago. Some unique qualities I had might be gone or maybe I established a whole new personality for myself. But these changes define my being.

"I am and always will be the optimist. The hoper of far-flung hopes and the dreamer of improbable dreams."

- Eleventh Doctor, Doctor Who

I believe that this quote can describe a part of me. Books and TV shows are a big part of my life. I live and breath words. Fiction is one of the cruelest drugs in the universe because it just makes us feel like the reality we live in is crap. Whenever I feel down I always remember that there places where I can escape to. Seeing symbols for only a matter of seconds that make me hallucinate and think that I'm in another world is wonderful. Watching shows that portray a very different world entertains me. I have gone to places I have never been. I have lived a thousand lives and I've loved a thousand loves. I've walked on distant worlds and seen the end of time. Because I read and watch. I do these things to feel that I am not alone, that I belong to a family. Fictional characters helps us understand who we are. They show us how to live and die. You may think that I shouldn't be dwelling in my delusions and fantasies, but they are a part me; these things define who I am and I'm not afraid to tell someone that I would rather go to Hogwarts than Asia Pacific College.

When it comes to dealing with reality I fail. I consider myself as an introvert. If you ask my friends their first impression of me, they would all say the same thing: I am shy. Ever since I was a kid, I am always considered the quiet but smart friend. Maybe it is considered as normal if you're just a five year old, but when you are already in your adolescence, you are a weirdo. 

Yes, I am anti-social. I just don't get a good feeling when I talk to strangers. Sometimes I don't talk to them because I think that they are annoying or just not worth my time. Although sometimes I feel guilty when I misjudge a nice person to a bad one. But if you cast these things aside, I can call myself a good friend. Even though I have a lot of flaws, I have never thought that a lot of people would like me. I have made a lot of friends since elementary and I treasure them so much. My friends in high school were the best, and sometimes it pains me when I realize that they have another new set of friends in another school. I consider myself loyal to the people I have made connections with because I really believe in the quote "No man is an island." I wouldn't have survived some challenges if it weren't for them.

These are some of the things that describe me. It may not be a lot, but it defines me. There are still a lot of changes that will happen to me. I still have a long way to go to discover and know myself very well.