III - Castiel Speaks

You know, I've been here

for a very long time.

And I remember many things. 

I remember being at a shoreline, 

watching a little grey fish 

heave itself up on the beach 

and an older brother saying,

"Don't step on that fish, Castiel. Big plans for that fish." 

I remember the Tower of Babel

All 37 feet of it, which I suppose 

was impressive at the time. 

And when it fell, they howled 'divine wrath'. 

But come on - dried dung can only be stacked so high.

I remember Cain and Abel,

David and Goliath,

Sodom and Gomorrah.

And, of course, 

I remember the most remarkable event;

remarkable because it never came to pass.

It was averted by two boys, 

an old drunk

and a fallen angel. 

The grand story. 

And we ripped up 

the ending and the rules

and destiny

leaving nothing 

but freedom and choice. 

Which is all well and good, except 

What if I've made the wrong choice? 

How am I supposed to know?

I'm getting ahead of myself. 

I consider myself the Winchesters' guardian

They taught me how to stand up

What to stand for

And what generally happens 

to you when you do.

I had no choice

I did it to protect the boys

Or to protect myself

I don't know anymore.

If I knew then what I know now.

I might have said.

It's simple.

Freedom is a length of rope.

God wants you to hang yourself with it.

So I went to an old friend for help

But watching him

I stopped

Everything he sacrificed, 

and I was about to ask him 

for more.

And so went

the long road of good intentions

The road that brought me here.

That's everything.

I believe it's what you would call

a tragedy from the human perspective.

But maybe the human perspective is limited.

I don't know.

That's why I'm asking you, Father.

One last time.

Am I doing the right thing?

Am I on the right path?

You have to tell me.

You have to give me a sign

Because if you don't,

I'm gonna do whatever I must.

II - Freaks and Geeks: A Beginner's Guide to Fandoms

 

Have you ever liked a certain book, comic, TV show, band or film? Is liking them just a past time to entertain yourself or an unhealthy obsession that leads to staying up till 2 am reading fanfiction (explained later)? Because I have. And if you're like me, then you are not alone.

 

Fanatic domains a.k.a. "fandom" have been a big part of our society. These are groups or subculture which are composed of fans who have certain feelings toward a common interest. They interact with each other either offline in conventions or online in forums. A fandom can be anything! For example, if you like Adventure Time one can make fanworks: stories, art, videos, gifs. One of these are the so called "fanfiction." These are stories that are written by fans to satisfy their fantasies and create their own story based on a novel, TV show, comic, etc. Fanfiction may or may not tie in with the story's canon; sometimes the fans use the story's characters in different situations that do not relate to the plot line at all. Fun fact: Virgil's Aeneid is literally an epic fanfiction of The Iliad.

 
 

One of the first notable fandoms is the Sherlock Holmes fandom which started in the 19th century when fans of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's work began protesting and mourning when Holmes was killed off in the books. This led to creating the first ever fanfiction in 1897 to 1902. The Sherlock fandom is still growing due to the acquired fame of the British TV series Sherlock (10/10 would recommend).

Fan art for the Sherlock TV series on a Dutch telephone booth

In the late 1970s, science fiction fandoms began to emerge. One of the first largest science fiction fandoms is the Star Trek fandom a.k.a as the "Mother Fandom" due to being the first media fandom. They also first introduced the slash fic where you put two male characters  together in a romantic love story. This genre of fanfiction is now the most popular genre in the Internet (also my most favorite genre).

Star Trek characters Kirk and Spock are the first characters to be in a slash fic

Fandoms are everywhere. With the emerging of the Internet, fandoms became bigger. Tumblr, a microblogging site, is home to 50 million fans generating an enormous amount of love for their favorite fandoms (this is where I first entered fandoms in 2012). LiveJournal is the home of many archives for fanfiction, fanart, and meta as well as community discussion. FanFiction.net is by far the biggest and most popular fanfiction archive on the internet. Often called “The Site That Must Not Be Named” or “The Pit of Voles” because of the notoriously bad quality of fics posted there (although there are also rare quality fics there). Archive of Our Own or AO3 also archives fanfiction that is run entirely by fans. DeviantArt also archives a lot of fanart and home to millions of fanartists.

Fans can also attend conventions and events where they can partake in cosplaying and roleplaying, interacting with fans and artists. Comic-Con is one of the biggest annual fan conventions where popular artists and celebrities attend to participate in panels (attending Comic Con might be a dream come true for me *inserts crying emoji*).

The 2015 New York Comic-Con

Harry Potter fans dressed up as Hogwarts quidditch players

Fans can sometimes be viewed negatively as teenagers that have an unhealthy obsession over something. Some fans devote almost 90% of their time in doing fan activities. Although sometimes it can be very dangerous considering that you can neglect your real-life responsibilities, we aren't God to judge them. Fandoms are already their way of life now. These obsessions can really help them in many ways, believe it or not. So what are you waiting for? Join the dark side now. We have cookies and Tumblr.

(Dan Howell (danisnotonfire on Youtube) explains fandoms in a more entertaining and understandable way in the video above. Feel free to watch it! )

I - Into the Void

Introducing yourself might be one of the most difficult things to do for me. Yeah maybe you could say your name, age, likes and dislikes, hobbies--all the usual stuff. I usually do this to escape the difficulty of saying things that aren't really true. But sometimes I realize that these things are a bore. Some people might not even care about it. These are the things that make it difficult to describe myself. Emotions and feelings are gonna build up inside me. Not embarrassment for the facts about myself, but maybe fear that people might not like me. People change. Our entire being changes. I may not be the person I am one day ago. Some unique qualities I had might be gone or maybe I established a whole new personality for myself. But these changes define my being.

"I am and always will be the optimist. The hoper of far-flung hopes and the dreamer of improbable dreams."

- Eleventh Doctor, Doctor Who

I believe that this quote can describe a part of me. Books and TV shows are a big part of my life. I live and breath words. Fiction is one of the cruelest drugs in the universe because it just makes us feel like the reality we live in is crap. Whenever I feel down I always remember that there places where I can escape to. Seeing symbols for only a matter of seconds that make me hallucinate and think that I'm in another world is wonderful. Watching shows that portray a very different world entertains me. I have gone to places I have never been. I have lived a thousand lives and I've loved a thousand loves. I've walked on distant worlds and seen the end of time. Because I read and watch. I do these things to feel that I am not alone, that I belong to a family. Fictional characters helps us understand who we are. They show us how to live and die. You may think that I shouldn't be dwelling in my delusions and fantasies, but they are a part me; these things define who I am and I'm not afraid to tell someone that I would rather go to Hogwarts than Asia Pacific College.

When it comes to dealing with reality I fail. I consider myself as an introvert. If you ask my friends their first impression of me, they would all say the same thing: I am shy. Ever since I was a kid, I am always considered the quiet but smart friend. Maybe it is considered as normal if you're just a five year old, but when you are already in your adolescence, you are a weirdo. 

Yes, I am anti-social. I just don't get a good feeling when I talk to strangers. Sometimes I don't talk to them because I think that they are annoying or just not worth my time. Although sometimes I feel guilty when I misjudge a nice person to a bad one. But if you cast these things aside, I can call myself a good friend. Even though I have a lot of flaws, I have never thought that a lot of people would like me. I have made a lot of friends since elementary and I treasure them so much. My friends in high school were the best, and sometimes it pains me when I realize that they have another new set of friends in another school. I consider myself loyal to the people I have made connections with because I really believe in the quote "No man is an island." I wouldn't have survived some challenges if it weren't for them.

These are some of the things that describe me. It may not be a lot, but it defines me. There are still a lot of changes that will happen to me. I still have a long way to go to discover and know myself very well.