A lot of people have regrets. We hope we should have done that one thing that will make us happy. Yet we haven't achieved it due to various forces that contradict our decisions. And that was what happened between me and Julia Salas' forbidden romance.
You can call me a bad lover; an immoral one. I was already engaged with a woman named Esperanza. I have loved her. I courted her with my sweet words and beautiful flowers. I saw my future with her. I thought she was the one until this certain girl caught my eye. We met one night at Judge Del Valle's house. We talked about ourselves and our stories. Her voice soothed me. Her beautiful face touched my heart. Her eyes glimmered with amusement. I felt something that no one has ever made me felt before. Under the light of the moon and stars, sitting in the porch, I felt love. Then I realized, I was in love. But I guess Julia did not felt the same.
We were drawn to each other. The qualities of youth; vigor, passion, and vitality that I lacked of was found in her. We met every Sunday, me avoiding to meet Esperanza for dinner or for her walks. As we learned more about each other, the more I wanted to be with Julia. We both enjoyed each other's company. This did not take long for Esperanza to know. And Julia also learned of my engagement with Esperanza. Both eventually despised me. I was torn. Esperanza and I were viewed by the people as an ideal couple. A couple whose wedding is getting nearer. If I broke my engagement with Esperanza, what would the people say? What would Esperanza feel? And if I will be with Julia, would she really love me?
Eight years later, I thought I'm finally at peace. I was not unhappy with my marriage. But a part of me always slips away from the world in order to dream of another life that could have blossomed, had I chose Julia. But the love I felt for her lost with the years that passed by. I understood, after meeting her again, that it was nostalgia that was taking hold of my heart, and not the "love" that I once felt for her. If there was, we should have been married. It was a welcome changed in my life. I was comforted by the thought that I was able to meet someone who is different from everybody else.
Why had I obstinately clung to that dream? So all these years--since when?--I had been seeing the light of dead stars, long extinguished, yet seemingly still in their appointed places in the heavens. An immense sadness as of loss invaded my spirit, a vast homesickness for some immutable refuge of the heart far away where faded gardens bloom again, and where live on in unchanging freshness, the dear, dead loves of vanished youth.
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